I received this e-mail from a friend of mine and rather than forwarding it on into the depths of spam filters everywhere I though I’d post it here.

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out…
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Tags: e-mail forward,family,funny,kids
Categories: Entertainment, Heather
1 Comment »

Phoebe has been very busy this week. She always goes after Sophia’s sippy cups if she leaves them lying around. She was actually able to drink out of the sippy cups this week. I think she rather enjoyed it.

With a little help from mama, Phoebe is now pulling herself up. Yay! She also stabilizes herself much better when standing at the couch. She is sitting up on her own and still has the occasional fall over but has gotten much stronger.

A couple weeks back she was babbling mamamamama, but only for one day. Now it is a consistent thing when she plays to go on “mamamamamama”. It’s nice to hear.

Phoebe has discovered a new, fun thing she can do. She gets up on her hands and knees and starts flapping her lips and spitting, but she likes to watch the spit as it falls to the carpet. Another fun thing –screaming at Sophia to try and get her to scream back. It works…..100% of the time.

‘The wiggle’ has progressed. Instead of only doing it on her back on the floor, Phoebe now wiggles when you hold her, in her car seat, when she is standing (with me supporting her at the hips), in the highchair, and while sitting.

Well, I was so sure Phoebe would be crawling by now, but she isn’t. She does everything else she possibly can–gets up on her hands and knees, hands and toes, or her hands and bottom of her feet (see picture). She continues to army crawl and seems happy enough with that. I guess as long as she is getting around that is all that matters.

For awhile Sophia was hooked on Finding Nemo. BJ and I were going crazy and have been letting her watch various shows to see what she is okay with besides that darn clown fish! She got hooked on Cars there for awhile too, but so far here is a list of what we have found she likes and dislikes:

Okay to watch:

• The Little Mermaid
• Finding Nemo
• Pixar Shorts
• Cars
• Kiki’s Delivery Service
• Toy Story
• Toy Story 2
• Bug’s Life
• My Neighbor Totorro
• The Cat Returns
• Porco Rosso

NOT okay:

• Monsters Inc.
• Spirited Away
• Howl’s Moving Castle
• Tarzan

Sophia is getting better at repeating words accurately on the first try. She is stringing words together more often as well. Every week she is progressing and communicating more. When she wants something she will pull on our shirt, pants, or arm and tell us “Get up!”

She woke up from a nap the other day still a little loopy so I asked her, “Sophia, are you still drunk?” Her reply: “Yes.”

Sophia’s new, fun thing this week–putting socks on her hands and walking around and playing that way.

We really enjoy dance time with Sophia. We discovered this week that she has a preference. ‘Peanut butter jelly time’ from the internet, and club music. As long as it is loud, strong, and fast she will dance!

Tags: babies,crawling,family,Phoebe,Sophia
Categories: Heather, Phoebe, Sophia, Weekly Family Update
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I may have to change it though. Too many people are stopping by to comment.

Tags: family,picture,Sophia
Categories: BJ, Sophia
1 Comment »

Apple juice! Apple juice! Apple juice! If ever there was a kid addicted to apple juice it is Sophia Atchley! BJ and I call her our little juice-a-holic. She asks for it all day and will slug down 8 to 10oz within 5 minutes and still ask for more. When we go anywhere we always take a sippy cup with us. The other day I was going to a store in Lewisville and due to rushing I grabbed whatever cup was lying around, which happened to have a bit of apple juice in it, but not much. It was enough for her to get a taste of it, I suppose, but not enough to satisfy her. In the car she began her ‘fake’, unsympathetic whining for apple juice and I knew I couldn’t make it to the store and back dealing with this. I had to make an emergency apple juice pit stop at Sonic. Within 10 minutes she drank her whole cup and by the time we got to the store I was filling her cup again with the last of it. Some days I worry she is drinking too much juice and not enough water so BJ and I have begun watering her juice down. She hasn’t noticed the difference which is great for us. Let’s hope one day she gets addicted to water…..

Sophia is repeating words she hears more and more. Not only is she picking things up from other people but from the TV as well. BJ and I have really cracked down on what we say but also what we watch. In some ways I feel I have lost a bit of freedom, but for Sophia’s sake I am willing to pay the price.

Granny bought Sophia and Phoebe birthday gifts early this year. They both received bunches of new, super cute clothes for the summer. They also got some nice church dresses that I can’t wait to post pictures of them in.

Sophia can now open doors with little or no difficulty. I’m not sure if I love or hate this new talent. We crack her door at night before we go to bed so when she wakes up she can get out without calling for us or getting scared. There have been a few nights we have forgotten, but it hasn’t been a problem because she has surprised us by walking into our room in the mornings. THAT I do enjoy so she can help herself, but I also don’t like the idea of her helping herself into our room or BJ’s office. So far so good, she hasn’t tried to get into rooms she shouldn’t. We hope this lasts.

Sophia has shown me she has truly graduated from bottles and is also a very considerate little girl. Out of horrible laziness on my part (we were going to be leaving soon and I didn’t want to pour a whole new cup of juice) I offered Sophia a bit of apple juice out of Phoebe’s bottle. She didn’t drink out of the bottle and immediately went to Phoebe’s room (where she was sleeping) to try and offer it to her saying “sister, sister”. I let her know Phoebe was sleeping and couldn’t have it but thanked her for being so sweet.

Sophia is obsessed with Pixar movies but is especially in love with Finding Nemo and Cars. She has seen them enough times to be able to repeat parts of the movie while watching them. In an effort for her to feel connected to the movies we bought her a stuffed Nemo and Lightning McQueen dolls. She absolutely loves them and calls them “Nemocars” all the time.

We buy our diapers at Costco which come in big boxes. Sophia enjoyed her Monday afternoon hiding in the box and letting us spin her around in it.

Phoebe turned 7 months this week. We celebrated by letting her taste some chocolate milkshake for the first time.

Phoebe had a weight check appointment this week. At her 6 month appt. she was only 12.4 pounds, way below what she should be at her age. It has now been 1 month and time to check again. This time she weighed in at 13.1 pounds. Yay! She gained a pound.

Auntie Jennifer and the cousins came to visit this week. Sophia really loves her cousin Gwendolyn or “Gwennie” as we call her. Whenever Sophia had to leave Gwennie she wimpered for her repeating her name over and over again. She really enjoys having an older girl to tag along with to show her new things and play with.

I have to call BJ out on this. I went shopping with my mom and sister the other day so of course I did my hair and makeup. When I came home I put on some pajama pants and slippers. I was doing the dishes later that evening and BJ says to me “Did you take a shower today?” I gave him a look of disbelief and said “Do you not see my hair and makeup? Are you that used to coming home to me in pajamas and not bathed you just assume I haven’t showered?! I guess I better start taking care of myself each day.” His response to not noticing the makeup and hair was a stutter of some silly excuse to cover himself. Shame on him to not notice the difference and I suppose shame on me for not showering more often (?)

Tags: family,juice,movies,Phoebe,pixar,Sophia
Categories: Heather, Phoebe, Sophia, Weekly Family Update
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Last night Heather had a meeting with some people from church. They convened at our house so it was my duty to distract the kids enough to allow them to have their meeting with as little interruption as possible. At first we just played with toys, but obviously an almost 2 year old is going to want to show off as much as possible when any visitors are around. So our old stand-by came out. Since the living room was used and the TV off limits, this left with using the laptop to watch either Finding Nemo, Cars, or Kikis Delivery Service, possibly Toy Story. After starting the movie we went to her bedroom and I brought her foam princess chair (a tiny pink chair with disney princesses on it). She chose cars.

We started the movie and I found it a convenient time to take a nap. She was completely enthralled, so I didn’t think anything of it. Apparently while I was falling asleep she I had bumped up against her princess chair. I felt a pat on my shoulder and heard her say, “shhhh, Love you daddy.” Which when we’re putting her to bed seems to be our ritual. When she’s making noise we’ll say, “shhh, night night, love you Sophia.” When I roused after a few minutes I looked and Sophia had moved her chair over to give me room. She smiled at me and gave me a hug then went back to mimicking storyline elements from cars.

Tags: family,kids,miyazaki,movies,pixar,Sophia
Categories: BJ, BJ's Life, Sophia
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Phoebe is really starting to show her personality and some quirks. She does what BJ and I have termed “the wiggle”. It started with just her head moving back and forth and after a few weeks it progressed to her whole body. She wiggles back and forth like a snake trying to slither. It is so cute and funny to see. BJ got it on tape and will hopefully be able to post a video of it. She also does a scrunch face. When she is really happy and playful she gives me the biggest toothless grin she can and purposefully squints or closes her eyes and tilts her head up. Sometimes she will do it one after the other. I love trying to get her to do these things purely for my entertainment. She is almost crawling and I am so excited for her to get around. She does pretty well now with her army crawl and rolling around, but I know she will be happier too once she can really move. She can get on her hands and knees but hasn’t figured out anything beyond that. I have no doubt she will be crawling before this month is over. She enjoys watching her big sister and wants to play, but Sophia has to learn sharing and to be gentle before much more interaction will be successful (meaning no one gets hit or crying). Younger siblings do seem to get the raw end of the deal. She also enjoys screaming, most of the time to get my attention, or to just hear her own voice. Sophia picks up on it and begins to mimic the screams, then Phoebe hears Sophia and begins to mimic the sound of her screaming. It turns into this strange, albeit loud and annoying, screamfest of who can outdo the other. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t so high pitch, but they have piercing screams like I did as a child. Guess I got what I deserved!

Sophia is really coming along with her talking and her ability to pick up new things. She can count to three but then moves on to nine and likes to repeat “9″ a few times before going to 8 then back to 1. She knows many of the basic shapes and is able to say a few of them and is very proud of herself when she successfully completes her shapes puzzle. She has taken to clapping for herself when she does something ‘impressive’ when we do not. When she leaves the house or goes to bed she starts saying goodbye to all sorts of random things “night night chair, night night blankie, night night sister” and waves the whole time. I had intentions of teaching Sophia sign language but never really got past “more” which she changed into her own version anyway of taking the tips of her pointer fingers and tapping them together. I have also been working very hard on teaching her manners and to say “please” and “thank you”. She was doing very well when one day I asked her to say please for something and she grasped her hands together and shook them gently up and down. It actually took me a few days to catch on that is what she was trying to say to me. I have no clue where she got it from, but now you can almost guarantee instead of her saying “please” she will shake her hands at you. She loves nursery at church, so who knows, she could have picked it up there. She is really starting to show BJ and I that she is becoming a big girl. She can climb out of her crib with ease, much to my angst. She doesn’t do it often, even though she has the ability to. So I am holding on to keeping her barred in until the effort seems futile. She also alerts us to the fact she has a poopy diaper or is too wet. She will go as far as to take off her pants but once she has done that all bets are off. She can’t STAND the messy diaper and has to have it changed right away and will walk with her legs bowed out and let her diaper sag as if she were carrying toxic waste in there or something! Maybe potty training is in our near future. One last sweet thing my little Sophia does is ask me “what?” after she hears me complain or make an exclamation. Example: I am driving to the store and I am unable to turn left for some time due to bad traffic. Mama: “Oh doggone these cars! There’s too many of them!” Sophia: “What?” Mama: “Oh, mama is just upset because of the traffic.” And then she is content. At least I know she is curious and concerned, but also listening, so I better watch what I say!

Tags: communication,family,Heather,Phoebe,Sophia,update
Categories: BJ, Heather, Phoebe, Sophia
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I can’t wait to potty train these kids, but especially Sophia. I have had too many close calls where I was not at home and she is wearing the last diaper I had with me, or she is wet/dirty and I don’t have one to offer. Remembering one extra pair of panties (in case of an accident) is a lot easier than trying to determine how many diapers to cram into the diaper bag depending on where I am going and for how long. I had a particularly desperate diaper situation today. I was working for my mom and I had somehow only packed 3 Sophia diapers. When I was putting on that last diaper I pulled too hard and broke off the taped side that would allow me to close the diaper. I have actually done this a handful of other times at home but there is another diaper right at hand. This time I had to scoop up my confused daughter, as to why her diaper was not on her properly, and take her to the office to ask Granny for some help. Packing tape did the trick and Sophia was none the wiser once her pants were on!

Some days I feel these children are conspiring against me in the diaper department. I change one poopy diaper to turn around and find out the other has one too! Then even an hour or less later one child who already just had a poopy might have another. C’mon, how much can really be in there?! There are days BJ gets home and I look him straight in the eye and say “I am NOT changing anymore diapers today.” Oh how I long for the princess panties days!

Tags: diapers,family,Heather,Phoebe,potty training,Sophia,update
Categories: Heather, Phoebe, Sophia
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Our friend Shig Katada did some portraits for us, and also lent his editing and post-production talents to our family’s bright faces. I’ve reorganized the gallery and put Sophia and Phoebe’s galleries in with the rest of the Atchley family. There’s a new gallery that contains all of our portraits thus far.

I’ll stop with the political posts I promise. Next up I’ll post some long needed reviews of recent media, movies, video games, and anything else I’ve spent free time with. With the new year upon us and a less demanding project in store I should have some more time to offer my opinion on all sorts of crazy stuff. Perhaps next we need a front to back tutorial on how to prepare a movie file for your iPod using free software.

Tags: baby,family,photo
Categories: BJ, BJ's Life, Heather, Phoebe, Sophia
3 Comments »